My clothes got soaked during the monsoon yesterday, as the rain funneled off my car's trunk into the circuitry of every piece of gear the band owned. Completely drenched, I dropped at the top of the stairs my wet clothes and my Sambas, on which Jana shortly thereafter slipped and did a Samba all the way down the stairs. I'm not sure if God or I am now responsible for her misaligned spine, but I’m pretty sure that my punishment is to watch the worst movie ever filmed. Sharing eases the burden. So here you go:
"I'm just going to check my ice-sculpture rolodex."
"Canary... Burnt Canary... isn't there something in between?"
"Miss [Vera] Wang is a stern mistress."
"The International Butter Club? You've actually been sitting around eating sticks of butter from different lands?"
"Officer Not-Your-Husband is here to arrest you!"
"Oh my God, I'm upset because you have feelings. You nailed it."
"I'm gonna do a complete head count of the hot drunk single guys and then choose."
"It's like a whole new me... I cry all the time."
Can someone please explain to me why you have rehearsals for a ceremony that requires no skill and lasts 20 minutes? Additionally, can someone please explain to me why wedding planners are unequivocally the most annoying and stressful creatures on the planet? Never mind, I know why. It’s because their job is to coordinate the most annoying and stressful events on the planet.